


The name I gave the file at 3 am says "this fic hurts emotionally" but a more accurate title is "Gears can't forget his boyfriend who committed not alive"

by ID_Rivera



Category: SCP Foundation
Genre: Angst, Gearsberg, If you know the story you know exactly who that applies to, M/M, Suicide, Suicide mention, if you wanted a happy ending for this ship turn away now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23441488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ID_Rivera/pseuds/ID_Rivera
Summary: -This was my first fanfic posted here, and first one taken to completion, and also first time writing a full thing with html, only ever testing it on deviantart-It's almost 2 am as I'm writing this note-But like, thanks for reading until the end, makes me glad you actually thought it was worth your time ;v;, or not, but you still read and are reading this sooooo....- Also I greatly appreciate any critique or comments, I'd like to see what you think :)-That or press F to pay respects-Why are you still reading this
Relationships: Dr. Gears/Dr. Iceberg (SCP Foundation)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	The name I gave the file at 3 am says "this fic hurts emotionally" but a more accurate title is "Gears can't forget his boyfriend who committed not alive"

_It was 6:00 pm._

Gears held Iceberg close, pistol thrown onto the floor _just far away enough to be out of reach._

Julien was... quiet, no words came out of his mouth after the gun was yanked from his hand, no words as frozen tears stuck to his cheeks. He was frozen like the tears, but thankfully, he was _alive._

Gears had walked in on him about to point the gun towards himself, and reacted quickly enough to stop him, and now they were both on the floor, kneeling, Julien held tightly by Gears who did not let go, _could not_ let go.  
Charles just simply _could not let go of Julien._

 _"What were you thinking?"_ Charles asked, _"Why?"_ His voice was robotic, _trying_ to sound concerned

Julien looked at him with glassy eyes, Charles's tinged with worry, concern in his face, so _unusual_ for the stone faced man.  
Julien did not respond, what could he possibly say to Charles? It was obvious, he was going to swallow a bullet! _Kill himself!_

"...What do you think?" Julien half chuckles as he pulled himself away from Charles's hold

"Jul-Iceberg, this is no laughing matter-"

 _"It never is..."_ Julien lay his head on Charles's shoulder "...not in this place at least..." he sighed.

Charles felt Julien's cold against his neck. _He was freezing cold._ Charles said nothing, and slowly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, and eventually Julien did the same.  
They were on the floor, holding each other in their arms. It was a warm hug.

But it felt...distant.

_Unreal._

...

The alarm rang loudly on the digital clock. A hand blindly tried to find the off switch.

The ringing stopped. _It was 6:00 am._  
Gears rubbed his eyelids until he could open them. He sat up. There was an empty spot next to him on the bed, it's been so long since someone has slept there, since _he_ slept there.  
It's been years since Charles has woken up with _him_ in his arms. _So very long._

He's tried to push it to the back of his mind, _people die all the time in the foundation, we pay our respects and move on, we do not let it hinder us, we do not let it hinder our work of protecting humanity._  
But he cannot stop himself from being reminded of _him._

It's been two years since Iceberg shot himself.

Two years since Gears found him on the floor, limp, a pool of blood forming around his head, staining white hair red.   
He kept the note Iceberg left with him these past two years, stained with old dark blood. 

He still remembers how that pool of blood did not freeze. 1  
And how _warm_ Iceberg was.

Two years and Gears hasn't been able to push it to the back of his mind completely, let go of him completely, forget _him_ completely and move on.

Two years and he is still haunted by that memory. The memory of finding Julien dead on the floor with a gun in his hand. 

Two years since Julien committed suicide.

And exactly two he has been asking himself _why hadn't he noticed the signs? Why didn't he try to find out what was wrong? Why didn't he try to help him? Why didn't he pay more attention to him? Why didn't he talk to him more? Why did he not respond more often?_  
He'd been telling himself _that he could've **prevented** it from happening if he was just there for him._

And Julien would still be alive, here, waking up in his arms in the morning, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek. 

...

_6:30 am._

Gears got ready for another day working at the foundation.  
He tried to push the thoughts from earlier to the back of his mind as he walked out the door with a blue scarf wrapped around his neck, faint stains _still_ there after two years. After two years he _still_ wears it, _keeps it_ , the stains never fading away completely like the memories of who once wore it, keeps it like those memories of him, close, _like how he wished he kept him_

...

Footnotes:  
1\. blood freezes at -2 to -3 celsius, Iceberg's average body temperature is -7 celsius

**Author's Note:**

> -This was my first fanfic posted here, and first one taken to completion, and also first time writing a full thing with html, only ever testing it on deviantart  
> -It's almost 2 am as I'm writing this note  
> -But like, thanks for reading until the end, makes me glad you actually thought it was worth your time ;v;, or not, but you still read and are reading this sooooo....  
> \- Also I greatly appreciate any critique or comments, I'd like to see what you think :)  
> -That or press F to pay respects  
> -Why are you still reading this


End file.
